People Are Rude!

People are rude!

The other day I nearly lost my life three or four times while at the grocery store. One lady rear-ended me when I stopped to see how many calories were in a serving of chicken noodle soup. A little further down, a man almost knocked over my cart when he thought I might get to the cat food before him. But the worst people were the ones in the motorized grocery carts. Have you seen those things?

They should be outlawed.

Now, don’t get me wrong. And please don’t send me nasty e-mails about how you’re poor old aunt Ida couldn’t go to the grocery store by herself if it weren’t for those motorized killing machines. I know they have a place and a purpose… and honestly, I can’t wait till I’m old enough to terrorize grocery shoppers by driving one of those contraptions. But shouldn’t people be required to pass a driving course before they’re turned loose in the aisles with one of those things?

No exaggeration, at least three different people driving those bumper cars disguised as grocery carts tried to take me out. And I’m pretty sure that after one near-death experience I heard that gray-haired maniacal driver laughing at me as she whizzed around the corner toward the brownie mixes.

And wouldn’t you know it, just as I stopped being Mr. Nice Guy and started using my cart as a steel reinforced battering ram to plow my way to the checkout counter, I saw one of our church members. Instantly, I knew I had been caught. I don’t think he saw me — at least I hope he didn’t. No, it was God who caught me. I was acting just like the other idiots in the store.

I know it was God who caught me and convicted me because I’m pretty sure I heard snickering from heaven as I sheepishly made my way past the toilet paper toward the checkout lines.

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